By Kate Richlin-Zack
The countdown to the competition has begun! Ten weeks down and less than six weeks to go so there is absolutely no turning back now. Also, my checks to cover the entry fees have been cashed and there’s no refund. Regardless, I’m in this and I’m very excited…
But to be completely honest: I’m EXHAUSTED.
Ironically, I’ve been “slacking” when it comes to my usual Lazy Girl tendencies and haven’t had much down time in the last two and a half months. I’m fairly certain I’m in a constant state of sleep deprivation. I can’t remember the last time I was able to just do nothing and think about nothing. I just want to stop. Breathe. Eat cake. Watch the Kardashians. But I can’t. Not yet. And so I force myself to keep going. Not because I want to, but because I’m not finished.
I’ve been applying this quit-when-you’re-done mentality to every aspect of my life. Despite being tired and hungry and doubtful, I just keep going. I leave the gym when I finish my workout. I leave the dinner table when I finish my meal. I leave work when I finish my projects. I leave nothing unfinished. I can’t half ass anything. And somehow it’s easier to just go balls out on everything than it is to figure out what I can half-ass.
It’s hard to keep going when you just want to take a break but the physical transformation is proof positive that the sacrifice and sheer insanity is absolutely worth it.
Watching my body morph over the last two months has been like a science experiment. It’s actually kind of cool. My abs made an appearance after only a few weeks of following a strict diet and exercise regimen. At first I could only see it in certain lighting or if I was flexing, and I’d be left wondering, “Do I have a six pack?”
Now there’s no doubt. I have a six pack.
Excited about my washboard abs. Not so excited about my pancake tits. My boobs lost significant volume a few years ago when I started weight training. At my heaviest, I was a voluminous 36DDD — yes, that’s three D’s and no, that’s not a typo. When I started losing weight, I went down to a 34DD. But since January, I’ve lost another cup size and my boobs are beginning to resemble flapjacks. I’m sure you ladies out there will understand my dismay. The guys will probably wonder what I’m complaining about since I’m still a D cup. Well, let me put it to you this way: imagine you get in really good shape and have a body that belongs on the cover of Men’s Health Magazine but your penis loses an inch. It stings a little, you can’t deny. I’ve already decided if they get any smaller, I’m buying new ones. The end.
Boobs aside, I can’t be too depressed. Why? Because I have KNEECAPS. For those of you who know me or have read my Lazy Girl column before, you’re well aware of my never ending quest for knee caps. No matter how skinny or “in shape” I’ve been, I’ve always had chubby knees. Until now. Seriously, forget the competition in April. Mission accomplished as far as I’m concerned! And if the only way I could have kneecaps is to trade in my voluptuous tatas, then so be it. It’s a price I’m willing to pay.
The physical transformation has been amazing but by far, the mental transformation has been the most significant for me.
I have never in my life felt 100% comfortable with my body … until now. I was in a dressing room a few weeks ago and did not have a meltdown. This was epic. I’m even down a pant size. Here’s what’s crazy though — my body still isn’t “perfect” but now I don’t care. I feel amazing. I’m healthy. I’m happy. I’m ready to walk down Main Street in a bikini in 30 degree weather and I hope everyone sees me.
That’s not to say I don’t have moments of self doubt and fear. I often feel completely overwhelmed and worry that perhaps I’ve taken on too much. I find myself asking, “How am I going to do it all? There’s just not enough time…” Sometimes there’s crying involved. But somehow, I find time. Even if it means crying while scratching things off my to-do list.
I’ve become much more efficient than ever before because I have no choice. Sadly, I don’t have a lot of time for lounging in my pajamas while watching mindless reality television. What I wouldn’t give for a movie marathon, a slice of pizza, and a snuggle blanket! But I know that in a few weeks, there will be plenty of time for that. Right now, I have to do what needs to get done and running from my responsibilities isn’t going to accomplish anything. Avoiding it all will only give me anxiety as the items on the to-do list rapidly accumulate. My only choice is to simply face it and move on to the next.
That being said, I’m not sure that this level of intensity is sustainable for much longer. Planning meals for seven days, going to the gym even when I’m exhausted, all while managing everything else that goes along with a normal life is hard. It requires a level of dedication and discipline that I never thought possible. While I may not be able to maintain this breakneck pace indefinitely, at the very least, I’m testing my limits and for that alone I’m proud.
Ten weeks ago I was so scared to embark on this journey that it took me weeks just to ADMIT it to you. Now, I can’t wait to get up on stage and strut my stuff. Win or lose, it doesn’t matter.
I’m forever transformed by this process. Physically and mentally. I have a level of confidence I once thought was unattainable. I’m accomplishing more than I thought possible. And, I have kneecaps! And if that’s not proof that anything is possible, I don’t know what is.
“The Lazy Girl’s Guide to Health and Fitness” is written by the irrepressible Kate Richlin-Zack and runs every other Tues at 10:30AM on Kate-book.com. She is a former plus-sized model turned fitness enthusiast who lost about 50lbs in the process. She loves food and views exercise as a necessary evil in her quest for looking good and feeling confident in hot pants. Follow her on Facebook and Twitter.