Tagged with advice …

Apr 18 2013
1 Comment
Entertainment, Gossip, Real Kates, Relationships

A Dear Kate Letter to the Readers

Dear-Kate-column-identity

By Katharine Luckinbill

Dear Readers,

Tomorrow, April 19th, marks the first anniversary of this column and my first year as an officially published writer. Over the past year, I have been included in some of your funniest, most moving and most honest moments, and every single one has been an honor and a pleasure to be a part of. Each of you let me into your lives and entrusted me with advising you on everything from whether you were too old for a bikini wax to coming out of the closet for the first time. You wrote in, tweeted, texted, emailed and commented with your own thoughts and advice. You made the column what it is and for that I am truly grateful.

When I first applied for this position to the fabulous Kate Torgovnick, I had no idea how much I would grow to love being your “Dear Kate”. I also had no idea how difficult it would be sometimes when I was thrown a truly hard-hitting question and had to be absolutely unbiased to give you the best advice possible. I did not ever take it lightly that your final decision could very possibly rest in my hands. I truly hope that I have done right by all of you – as you have done by me.

So – looking back on the best thing that happened in my life this past year I wanted to share some recaps of my favorite seven columns of the last year with you and how they helped me in my own life through writing each of them. (Also peppered in will be some of my favorite graphics from the whole site over the past year)

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Jan 03 2013
1 Comment
Real Kates

Dear Kate: I never keep my New Year’s resolutions! How do I make it happen this year?

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By Katharine Luckinbill

Dear Kate,

Every year I make a New Year’s resolution and every year without fail I, well, fail! How do I get myself to stay on track and do what I said I was going to do in 2013? This is the year I want to really make a change and make it stick!

Resolved to Change,

Kaitlyn

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Dear Resolved to Change Kaitlyn,

I didn’t used to believe in New Year’s resolutions. I just know too many people that make them and then break them almost immediately. Or I come across something like this and lose all faith in humankind and their ability to make sane declarations about their lives.  However, this year I have resolved to believe in resolutions – that they can work, that they are achievable and that they are, in fact, a good idea.

new-years-resolution-cat

According to Wikipedia, resolutions stem all the way back to ancient times…

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Nov 29 2012
1 Comment
Real Kates

Dear Kate: I’m stressed to the point of insanity. Help me down from the ledge!

Dear-Kate-column-identity1By Katharine Luckinbill

Dear Kate,

Recently I’ve had a lot going on and I feel myself getting more and more overwhelmed about each thing going on in my life. My job is extremely stressful, my family is dealing with some particularly heavy issues, I have been really sick a lot and battling with some big time health stuff, and that’s not even to mention stresses like superstorm Sandy or your alarm not going off in the morning. I feel like I’m at my wits end, and each small thing that comes my way now feels like a giant meteor heading directly for me. I am finding myself unable to cope with things that before I might just let go or forget about in the interest of peace and harmony. How do I keep the train from going off of the tracks and alienating everyone that I care about?

Truly,

Keeping-it-together Katie

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Dear Keeping-it-together Katie,

Whoa. Sounds like 2012 has dealt you just the right amount of stress to see what you’re up for in 2013 and beyond. Sometimes the universe passes us just enough to get us to our breaking point so that we can blast right through it and get to the other side.

And hey, here’s the good news: You’re still keeping it together! As your sign off name declares, you haven’t gone around the bend quite yet…so there’s hope for you yet Katie!

Continue reading →

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Oct 18 2012
Comment
Real Kates, Relationships

Dear Kate: I got married but we haven’t told our in-laws yet. How should we approach this?

Dear-Kate-column-identity1By Katharine Luckinbill

Dear Kate,

I married my husband February 29th in a very small ceremony. It was just our parents and siblings and very impromptu. We’re happily married except for one issue — my husband has yet to break the news to his paternal grandparents. My whole family learned through Facebook and phone calls. My husband doesn’t have a relationship with his father but he lived with his grandparents for a year while in school! I have no idea what the appropriate way to break the news to his side of the family without giving them heart attacks, hurting feelings, and ruining relationships.

Signed,
Living in Guilt

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Dear Living in Guilt;

Congratulations on your nuptials and sorry to hear that there is absolutely anything putting a damper on your happiness during your first year as a married couple.
My answer to this one is simple and blunt:

Just tell the truth.

Honesty Dog

But not just that you got married. The truths are this:

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Sep 06 2012
5 Comments
Beauty Fashion, Real Kates

Dear Kate: I hate it when my bra straps show! Help!!

Dear-Kate-column-identityBy Katharine Luckinbill

Dear Kate,

I’m seriously not sure if I’m just a prude but I really hate seeing the bra straps through my dress or shirt, but it seems like bra manufacturers and clothes designers are not conferring with each other. No matter what I do, they always seem to peek out. Is it acceptable these days to just let them be loose? Do you have any good tips on how to rock my summer clothes and support “the ladies” without this fashion faux pas?

Thanks,

Strapped

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Dear Strapped,

You are so totally NOT a prude. I absolutely hate it when my bra straps show – even if they are the exact same color as my shirt or dress – it’s just a little tacky. So I think you just have good sense!

Racerback tops are extremely flattering on most body types, so it’s extremely frustrating when you have to see these ugly straps showing outside the boundaries of your tank! It’s the “whale tail” of the top half!

Even the classiest and the trashiest celebs fall victim to this fashion faux pas!

Also, let’s be honest, those little clear plastic straps are an uncomfortable pain in the butt, and strapless bras are a joke if you have anything larger than a 30AA.

Continue reading →

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Aug 30 2012
2 Comments
Real Kates

Dear Kate: My co-worker wants me to write a recommendation, but she sucks at her job. What do I do?

Dear-Kate-column-identityBy Katharine Luckinbill

Dear Kate,

I have been teaching at a summer camp in the city for the past three months. Every week we get a new batch of kindergarten-age kids and I have a great time with them. This camp also has two assistant teachers. While we were going through the boring process of hiring them, my boss asked my opinion of a prospective applicant and I said I thought she would be a terrible fit for the job. This woman got hired anyway and was assigned to my camp all summer long.  True to my prediction, she has been awful. Sucktastic even. The only thing going for her is that she is a very nice person.  Other than that, she sucks at her job.

Now that the summer is over she is looking for a new job. I was blindsided this morning when she asked me to write her a recommendation letter for another position working with children.  I was so taken aback that I agreed to write it without thinking. Now I am stuck trying to write a recommendation letter and all I can truthfully say is, “She’s a really nice person”. How can I recommend her without giving any real recommendations?  I’m in a pickle.

Best wishes,

Ina Quandry

Dear Ina Quandry,

First of all, you have come to the absolute right place — not only do I give advice professionally, but a major part of my day job is to read and request recommendations for potential candidates at my company. Second of all, I love your sign off name — and it would make my mom laugh. Hope she’s reading this one.

That being said, this is a sticky situation indeed. But here’s the thing about being asked for a recommendation: you shouldn’t lie. Not under any circumstance. Not only will it hurt the company she could potentially work for, but it could damage your professional reputation, and somewhere down the line your opinion won’t mean as much as you’d like it to if you’re giving false intel.

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Jul 19 2012
3 Comments
Real Kates

Dear Kate: My husband just won’t go down on me!

Dear-Kate-column-identity

By Katharine Luckinbill

Dear Kate,

I’m a newlywed, and my husband and I waited until marriage to have sex. I am very attracted to him, and our sex life seems to be pretty good except for one glaring issue. He won’t go down on me! The worst part is that he won’t even tell me why. I’m starting to get insecure that it’s me. How do I get him to talk to me about this issue, and more importantly, to start doing it??

Not Hot or Bothered,

Kaitlyn

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Dear Kaitlyn,

Ah, the fabled “wait until marriage” couple of yesteryear. Seriously — no mocking tone — but I truly thought your kind had gone extinct! At least not in the form of normal, fun loving youngsters who just want to get their groove on. I am ecstatic to find that I am mistaken. Kudos for holding out on the most intimate of connections until you found the person you wanted to be with for the rest of your life. It is certainly a rarity in this sexually explicit day and age.

On the other hand…probably should have discussed this kind of thing before tying the knot, no?

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Jul 05 2012
3 Comments
Real Kates

Dear Kate: Am I too old to wax? Plus, help for broke gals.

By Katharine Luckinbill

Dear Kate,

I’m in my late 40s. I’m in pretty great shape and feel like I’m aging well. I live in New York City, but am going away to the beach for the summer with my husband and would like to try getting a Brazilian bikini wax for the first time. Am I too old? Sincerely,

Mature Marie

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Dear Mature Marie,

What a bold woman you are! Trying new things and keeping up with the times? I salute you! I hope I’m as hip and up-to-date as you when I’m nearing 50.

I say absolutely GO FOR IT! Why not? Who’s it going to hurt? (Except maybe you, and only for a few minutes. Read this great article on The Frisky for some laughs and lessons on this.)

There are lots of reasons to get waxed, and not just to be sexy for your hubby. In the summer it can actually be a lot more comfortable during those hot summer days. Not to mention that having clean-looking, smooth skin in a bathing suit isn’t a terrible thing either. Now you can ditch that sarong and opt for a flawless and fresh bikini line to show off to all those astonished younger girls on the beach.

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Jun 28 2012
4 Comments
Real Kates, Relationships

Dear Kate: Should I try to get pregnant by ‘accident?’

By Katharine Luckinbill

Dear Kate,

I married a man more than ten years my junior. I am 36, he’s 24. Before we married we discussed wanting children, but I want to start now, and he isn’t ready. He says he wants to travel and not be tied down for at least few more years, but in a few more years I will be close to 40 and it will be much harder for me to conceive. I am wondering if I should just get pregnant “by accident” or is that just way too unfair?

Can’t Waity Katie

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Dear Can’t Waity Katie;

First of all, clever nickname. Kate Middleton … Waity Katie … Can’t Waity. I get it.

Second of all.

No.

No. No, no no no!

You cannot pretend to get pregnant by accident. Absolutely, undoubtedly, unconditionally NO.

Not only is that not the way to bring a child into the world, but the repercussions it will have on your relationship when he eventually finds out could be irreparable. If you love this man enough to have his children, I’m assuming you wouldn’t want a nasty divorce to be the outcome of having a child.

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Jun 21 2012
3 Comments
Real Kates, Relationships

Dear Kate: Help! I can’t stand my husband’s politics.

By Katharine Luckinbill

Dear Kate,

Every four years my husband and I dread the presidential election—he’s a Democrat, and I’m a Republican. We argue over every little remark, comment, topic, and debate we see or read about. I am actually wondering how I could’ve married someone so diametrically opposite. I guess this wouldn’t be so bad, except we are two very passionate people who both think we are right when it comes to our country’s future. Can you help us before we argue politics to the death?!

Sincerely,
Politically Correct

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Dear Politically Correct,

SIGH. Politics, Politics, Politics.

As Winston Churchill famously said, “Democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the others.” I couldn’t agree more with Sir Winston on this, for problems just like this one.

Isn’t it frustrating that we have a government—but even worse, a nation—bitterly divided over differences of opinion? Families and homes broken down the middle because one half agrees more with the talking head on CNN than the one on FOX News?

Here’s the real dilemma, as I see it:

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Jun 14 2012
2 Comments
Real Kates, Relationships

Dear Kate: Asking a friend for help, and asking your significant other for a little romance once in a while

By Katharine Luckinbill

Dear Kate,

I have a favor to ask a friend that I haven’t spoken to in a while. I’m totally not one of those people that only connects with someone when I need something. This particular friend and I just got too busy, I guess, and now she’s the only contact I know to help me. Do you think it’s wrong for me to write to her and ask?

Sincerely,
Not a Mooch
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Dear Not a Mooch,

Here’s the thing – we have ALL done it. Networking is a natural part of our culture, and anyone who says they’ve never wanted to reconnect with an acquaintance when they need to network is lying. Facebook, Words with Friends, Instagram, Twitter, TV, Tivo, and everything else that keeps us connected and ready for the week’s water cooler gossip can also distract us all day long. It’s hard to find time to keep in touch with EVERYONE these days. (Especially now that, these days, more people than ever are in our lives.) Our pop-tarted, microwaved, instantly connected culture was supposed to free up more of our time—and somehow we all ended up busier and more overwhelmed.

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May 24 2012
2 Comments
Real Kates, Relationships

Dear Kate: My close friend wants to skip my wedding

By Katharine Luckinbill

Dear Kate,

I’m getting married in just over a month. As you can imagine, my fiance and I are busy prepping and are excited for the big day! Almost everyone we hoped to attend will be there, but as these things go, we did get some regrets. While I’m bummed that certain friends and family members won’t be with us, they all had legitimate reasons for not coming and so I certainly understand.

Then yesterday I got a call from a very good friend of mine who told me that she is no longer able to attend because she scheduled a business meeting out of state the day after my wedding. She apologized but explained that “this was just the best time schedule-wise.” In complete shock and not sure how to respond, I told her I understood, but to be honest, I just can’t comprehend how she could miss my wedding. Plus, from our conversation, it seems as if there are other options for her to make both my wedding and the meeting.

We live in the same city (which is the same city the wedding will take place) and she wants to get together soon. I’m just so upset I’m really not sure I can. Do I share my feelings with her or should I just let it go and pretend like nothing ever happened?

Bummed Out Bride

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Dear Bummed Out Bride,

Doesn’t planning stuff just suck? No matter how hard you try to make it easy and convenient for everyone involved, it just never seems to work out the way we want. I can only imagine (and will someday know) how magnified that would be when it comes to your wedding. So I’m sure its a huge bummer having to deal with that particular part of your special day.

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