By Kate Richlin-Zack
When it comes to relationships, I’ve put myself out there on several occasions. I called up the hottest guy in my high school class and asked him to go out with me; he politely declined. I got on a plane and flew hundreds of miles to determine if a friendship could be a relationship; it lasted three magical months before he dumped me unexpectedly. I ignored my instincts and dated someone geographically undesirable; we’re currently living happily ever after. I guess you could say venturing outside my comfort zone in hopes of finding true love eventually paid off.
But there were quite a few times that I was simply not willing to push my limits. There were some things I simply was not willing to do and, in thinking about those crazy requests, I came up with my list of the Things I Wouldn’t Do For Love.
1. Dye my hair blonde and wear more makeup
For those of you who know what I look like, you’re well aware this is a ridiculous request. For those of you who don’t know what I look like, I have dark brown hair, a deep olive complexion, and low tolerance for bullshit. So when Flaxen-phile Phillip told me I’d be so much sexier with bleached blonde hair, my immediate response was, “So basically you want me to look like someone else? Why don’t you just date someone else?”
Are you shocked that this same guy also requested more makeup? I’m a far cry from a tomboy. I love spending the day at the salon and look for any excuse to get all dressed up. That being said, I’m also practical. I’m not going to slather on eye shadow like it’s war paint because, quite frankly, looking like a hooker isn’t my style. Plus, if you don’t think I’m sexy enough in sweatpants sans makeup, you’re not the right guy for me.
2. Pay for his drugs
Perpetually Unemployed Patrick was a part-time student/part-time bartender who gave up a lucrative career in finance to pursue his dream of becoming a veterinarian. I’ll admit I was impressed by his willingness to pursue his passion rather than stay in a career that stole his soul, but it also meant he was broke. It started out with seemingly insignificant requests to like “do you have any cash on you? I’m low on gas,” or “would you mind paying for dinner? Things at the bar have been slow the last few nights.” I rationalized that it was a temporary situation. Soon enough, he’d be finished with school and be financially stable. But it started to snowball and, eventually, in addition to my own expenses, I was paying his rent, phone bill, cable bill, car insurance — you name it, I paid for it — under the false pretense that he would “pay me back, I promise!”