Nine dirty martinis in 3.5 hours. That’s quite an average there, boozer.
I could say that’s impressive but it’s probably a better indication of your raging alcohol dependency. Let me “break it down” for you this time, since this seems to be your catch phrase along with the sporadic, inappropriately timed bird calls of which you were ever so fond: drinking that much on a first date is a very bad idea. In fact, drinking that much at all is a very BAD idea.
Why? Because apparently, despite your claims that you are a “fun drunk,” you’re actually a gaping a-hole, drunk or sober. Assuming you’re ever sober.
I’m not quite sure at what point things started deteriorating. The initial meeting was great. Immediate attraction. Great rapport. We obviously appreciated each other’s sarcastic, ball-busting sense of humor. Perhaps things started devolving when you finished your second dirty martini while I was still working on my first drink. Granted, I’m just assuming it was only your second since by this point, I’d only witnessed you consume two alcoholic beverages. Most likely, considering your well established connection with the bartender:
1) you likely had at least one, if not two, drinks before I even arrived and
2) our charming bartender Keith made them extra strong for you, his most loyal customer.
But I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt and start the martini count at the moment I arrived.
Elapsed time: 30 minutes